Dear, just want to say thank you for being there for me all these while. Thank you for reminding me that i am worth so much more than that. It is so true that he isn't the right one for me coz if he is, he won't be putting me through so much pain. He won't be doing those things to hurt me so much. Let's both work towards our goal and make it big for our own future k. We all have a bright future ahead of us. Thank you for keeping me company the past few days. It's really sweet of you. And yup sometimes i did wish that i was studying in Singapore. It is true that both of us have a soft spot for each other and if i wasn't studying abroad, we could have been together for good. It's really brave of you to share your feelings about us with me that night. So many times i did wish that i could be next to you to care for you. To hold your hands and tell you i love you. To be there for you during your toughest times. But i just have to stop myself and keep this feeling of love under control as i know i can't be there for you physically. And i know it is better for us to be best of friends for now. Thank you so much for telling me that you still like me and that i will always have that special place in your heart which no one has. Let's just leave it to fate. If we are ever meant to be for each other, i know our path will cross again. It is so amazing after five years of friendship, we are still going strong as ever. I really do appreciate you giving me that much needed hug. It really comforted me so much. All those pain caused by him, is all so deep. I promise i will make an effort to get better through next week and put all that painful past of mine behind. Let's do it together dear. You will always be someone i hold so dear in my heart...

I wanna be that princess in your heart.

I finally see the real you. It's only through this break up that i could see how mean and ugly you could be. I can bravely tell the world that you don't have a single respect for me. So insensitive to me. What you feel is not harmful to me may not be how a girl perceive it. It is very unjustifiable of you that becoz you have a void in your heart right now and need to carry on with your daily life, that you have the rights to flirt. Try asking your sister or your mom about it. I know what you do is not a secret. But you shouldn't even need to flirt to fill up that void. I have a void too. But i do it the healthy way. And whoever that you confided in last night and told you your flirting was fine. Is giving you so bad advice!!!! I hope that person is not a chirtstian. Coz none of my christian sisters have told me to go out and flirt to keep myself occupied. If you were considerate enough and really want the girl to heal, you won't be doing such things. You are just prolonging the healing time. Coz it is not only the girl down in England you flirted with. But two Sundays back, you were flirting just next to me. Right now, i can only pray for you. Coz if you choose to continue to make the same mistakes and not change your ways, you are gonna hurt the next girl in your life. You have hurt Ellen and me. Time to turn over a new leaf, boy. Please pray and seek God's will in this. I hope someone out there could bring you back to your senses.

There's no excuse for saying there's a void in your life and you filled it up by flirting with girls. Why don't you seek God? Seek his face. I used to have a void in my life but i chose to worship God. I chose to follow him. The truth is i am happy single and i don't feel much void in my life right now. And in my free time, i spend time with my girly pals. Yes, i do go on dates, but that's becoz you don't want me anymore. I wasn't the one who said i couldn't cope with a relationship. Unlike you, who is flirting with someone down in England. Whom you know the chances of you and her getting together is impossible but still want to have that fun. It is so sick!!!! Wake up!!!!! You don't need a woman to fill up that void of yours. You could read a good book, cook etc. There's so many healthy things you could do in life. That's what all my christian sisters have been telling me too. Okay and it is not an excuse for you to push the blame onto the girl who flirted with you constantly. You shouldn't even have the guts to be telling me that it is her who took the initative. And once again you justify your actions saying you are being friendly!!!!! You could choose not to reply. Not to put yourself in a situation where you would be alone with a woman in an enclosed area. Is that the reason you would give for Lye Yoong too????? A man needs to take responsibility for his actions!!!! What if one day you come across another woman who throw herself at you, are you gonna reciprcate back? Please wake up!!!!!! You need self-control. And you have the ability to stop things by NOT reciprocating. You know one of the reason why i didn't want you to be a driving instructor? Becoz you could be in car with a woman and driving to a far away place and making out with her. I am not being sick here. But i know your weaknesses. And we women can foresee things quite well. As for dentist and doctors, we always have nurses somewhere around us.

I could understand if you started flirting six months to a year after we break up. Right now, the wound is still so fresh. And you are indeed the most INSENSITIVE guy i have ever met. All these happened two weeks after we broke up. And i remember asking you if you could be more sensitve to me feelings while i am healing. If i were to look back, that's exactly what you did to your ex-girlfriend too. My ex-boyfriend and teddy won't even do such a thing to me!!!! What's worse, you were the one who said you couldn't even cope with a relatioship. And it makes more sense if i was the one who dated other guys now. Becoz it wasn't me who couldn't cope with the relationship. It was YOU.

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love Lyrics

I feel so sad to know that i have dated a jerk like you. I have everything to prove me right. I have learnt my lesson. Not to judge a book by its cover. Becoz it is so true, a person like you who looks like a good gentleman on the outside, a decent guy but actually turns out to be the complete opposite. I am not saying this for no reason. If anyone were to ask me, i can tell them why. At first, i thought i was mental, then i tried sharing with people. Asking them how they would react if they were in the same position as me. I seek advice from elders and people of my age. And every woman i spoke to, say they will react the same way as i did. And you were indeed flirting. When you were the one who said you couldn't handle another woman. A relationship. And you wrote on your very own blog that you still care for me so much. BUT i guess somehow you don't know what you are saying. Or you are just a good sweet talker. Which you are good at. Good at sweet talking girls. Buying girls favour. And NOT the favour of your own good girl friends. But favour from random girls. Girls who you hardly know!!!!! I seriously don't want to be associated with a man like you anymore. Please don't ever mention to people you ever dated me once, coz it is such a disgrace to know you. And i realised all this while, all our quarrels, were all becoz you CHOSE TO BELIEVE you weren't flirting. Self-justifying your actions. And what's good with flirting with woman? It makes you happy. But just momentarily. I rather you flirt with God. And i remember you hating me comparing you to Andrew. Then what about Baldwin, Sam Aaron and Boon. Do they behave like you???? I don't compare you to ordinary man but good christian man. It is healthier for a man to buy favour from his brothers and know his actions with woman. Think about it.

Pouring the thoughts out of a broken heart...

As of tonight, i have finally come to my senses that you are definitely not a guy worth crying over. And i definitely don't want a guy like you to be in my life. So unfaithful. So flirtatious. I am convinced!!! I have everything infront of my eyes to prove it to me. I am secure in God alone. He is all that i need. And i will wait for him to bring me a good man into my life. You have done too much hurt to me. Your actions really contradict your words. And i believe i deserve a better man than that. A man who is faithful, who is loving and his heart is fully devoted to his girl.

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine. When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person .... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

My anatomy exam is finally over. Yay! Finally have the time to sit down and blog my thoughts once more.

To be honest, i know there's lots of hurt inside me. And i don't know when i will fully recover. Sometimes i just question myself why i would love you. When you don't even respect me. When everything i say or do doesnt mean anything to you at all. And just right after our breakup, you were already having friendly chats with some random woman and talking to her in a playful manner. It hurts to see those things in front of my eyes. I tried talking to you about it and hoping that you could be sensitive to my feelings but you just simply defended your actions. You said you were simply being friendly. And it's normal to you. But that's not what a girl perceive things you see. I do appreciate your honesty. Your bravery to be open with things. But if only you could be more sensitve to a woman's feeling, you will be more well respected. And if the real reason for the break up was becoz you couldn't handle a relationship, then why would you want to lead other woman on. Is that you showing care for me? Why would you rather talk to other woman than sending me encouraging texts during my tough time while i was preparing for my exams? The time when i needed you most, you went completely silent. Exile yourself from my world. At the same time, i know you aren't my boyfriend anymore and i shouldn't have these expectations. I may sound harsh here. But this is the only place where i could share my feelings with you coz whenever i ask to meet up with you to chat, you will always try to push me away and question why i have got so much to ask you.

The thoughts of my bleeding heart.

Just want to say thank you to everyone who has remembered me in prayers for my exams later this morning. I am very touched by your love and care for me. Even You, i never thought you would text me coz i thought you have almost erased me from your memory already. And that i was just a living memory of your past. To be honest, there's too much to study for this anatomy exam and i can't finish studying everything. But i will do my best with whatever i have learnt to attempt my paper tomorrow.

Dear Lord, Give me a good night rest tonight so that i could wake up feeling refresh later this morning. Father, send your holy spirit to be with me in the exam hall. Give me a clear mind to do my paper. Father, i ask for your wisdom to be upon me and that i can recall what i have learnt. I ask this in your most precious name. Amen.

I have no idea why people enjoy flirting by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony to the opposite sex. Maybe it is their way of healing. Sigh. Only God could work through you. And i know i have no rights to say anything. I can only sit back to watch the show infront of me. Why would someone say suggestive things to the opposite sex like calling them to come up to the place where he is. Well, i know he may try to justify that he is just being friendly. But the language is indirectly hinting something. And the opposite sex may interpret things in a different way from you. What if she really did come up? Are you gonna meet up with her and show her around? Is this simply just being friendly or flirting? Why are guys sometimes so insensitve to women's feelings? Right now, I can only hope that you won't perceive this entry negatively but will pray about things and seek his face.

It just saddens me to see where we are right now. But i was reminded by someone today that he believes that you remember everything you said and you are a man of your words.

I wish one day
We could be together again.
Tears in my eyes
Pain in my heart
When will i be set free?
I am lost
With what to do
And i can only pray
And let God work his way.

Wong Fu MV - Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

This is a super sweet video shared with me from Victoria. Makes me wanna fall in love all over again. It makes me happy and brings me hope.

Something came to me while i was praying. The reason why you will think that you are the root of my depression and why i ended up having depression. It all started from the first break up on March 10th. The aunties and their mouths that caused me to be going through so much pain right now. They got your mom to believe i was out there to harm you. That this whole relationship would fail because my family is too rich for you. Why were these people so superficial? Maybe they were jealous of us. They were jealous of you. The truth is Jean was not out there to hurt you. And becoz of that break up, it has created alot of insecurities in me. It has caused me to fear. Left me in so much tears and gave us all the stress we had in this relationship.

Oh what a morning man! Why always something bound to happen whenever my flatmates are away? I wanted to call him but i thought no, maybe i could try fixing things myself. So when i did try, the wires came falling out and the smoke detector ended up hanging halfway through my ceiling. Plus i wasnt tall enough!!! So i ended up having a big fire engine coming to my place. So embarrassing. Sigh sigh! Jean and her amusing stories... Praise God i am safe now! Not forgetting the wisdom he has given me. Coz i had everything in my favour. I could have gotten a fine of 400 pounds for misusing the emergency line. But i got the favour of the firemen and free batteries too!

Heavenly Father, What have i done to deserve this fate? I have make every effort to live a sin-free life and i am still suffering so much pain. My heart is wretching in the middle of this night and i can't seem to sleep in peace. Father, take me out of my misery. I plea. Please Father. Please. I make this prayer in your most precious name. Amen.

I am still questioning myself everyday of my life what have i done wrong to deserve this fate? Tell me where have i gone wrong. Coz i live in shame everyday. Not knowing how to face the world. Will you ever know the pain and suffering i am going through right now. I have to admit i was having great fun through the week. I was out every single day with different people. I was treated to expensive meals. But at the end of the night, when i return home, reality sets in, only to realise that you are still the one i hold dear to in my heart. Why why why then do you have to exile yourself from my world? Why did you throw me in the lurch and treat me worse than any of your friends?

While talking to someone, I just realised there's no point waiting. Even if you are a good man. Because you can love someone or something, but without actions or any words, it is as good as nothing. One good example is that you wanna be a dentist, but you dont wanna study, will you ever graduate to be one? Answer is NO.

Suddenly, I feel so lost. I still care for him. I still love him. I don't know how to show it or say it as i fear that i would be rejected by him. I have to confess, out of anger, i said i hate him. But i search deep within myself tonight, and i know that amidst this battle i am fighting, i still love him.

PERHAPS LOVE (John Denver)

Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble when you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go
And some say love is everything, and some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Some say love is holding on and some say letting go
Some say love is everything and some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the mountains, full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YnfCH7LNcM

A beautiful theory from someone...

Why the wedding ring worn on the fourth finger....

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?

There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese.....

Thumb represents your Parents
Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
Middle finger represents your-Self
Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
& the Last (Little) finger represents your children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip

(As shown in the figure below):

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)...., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse).

You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!!