why does this loneliness and fear haunts me constantly...the feeling of guilt and hurt...what have i done to deserve all these...i just wanna see my grandma one last time...i pray that god can preserve her so that i can see her a last time before she leave this world...how i wished i had spent more time with her during my summer hols instead of hanging out with my friends...life is simply just so fragile...you will never know when your love ones are gonna leave you...so many things have happened in my life lately...i just wanna break down and cry...

me n sarah at mayflower...a chinese restaurant...

at Nikki's place...she is a post grad dental student...my big sister n 'mummy' too...

the food we had a filling station...yummy...

At filling station with my happy family...apparently gordon looks like a hum sup lo here...

'Daddy' bullying his daughter...

Capture of the moment...both daughters pinching 'Ah pa' cheeks...poor dad ah...haha...

Anna, Sarah, Big G n Me...

the girls in church...michelle, sarah, anna n me...

My Happy Family... Sarah, Gordon n Me...

Ah Pa n Me...

Sarah darling n Me...

Kenneth n Me...In the woods...haha...

from left to right : Me, Ah dong, Big G, Sarah, Chris n Carol...

The people in the worship ministry...

The coat that i truly adore...

Me n Sarah in Italian Kitchen...

the tiramisu Sarah had...

my chocolate nemesis at the Italian Kitchen...

me going mad in my room...

me n my frog prince!!!

the girls at glasgow green...maria, niece, po yi, me n michelle(left to right)...

lovely fire works in glasgow green...so pretty!!!

i just woke up...feeling kind of recharged though...finally managed to give myself 9 hours of sleep...it's been a long while that i have gotten such long hours of sleep...things have been going so fast for me in glasgow that i hardly even find time for myself to reflect and relax on my own...too many things happened lately and i just simply dont know where to start...but yeah i was crying again over the phone to someone...coz i just felt so lost...i feel emptiness inside...and i am stuck in a place where i dont really wanna be in...people around me know i have been down but i just cant seem to be able to open up myself...i have been running away from my problems for so long and i think it is time for me to face it...i really dont like the way the dental school runs here...there is simply no tutorials at all...just only lectures and that's it...how can i ever gauge my own performance and get to excel in my work without even having my essays marked and graded...i want feedbacks about them...well there are more...but i doubt i should say it here...i wanna voice it out...but will they ever do something about it...especially when i am only a first year student...sometimes i just wonder why i pay so much to come to the uk to study when what i get is just simply a not value for money education...i still wanna leave...and i can still do so as long as it is before 30th march...i am kind of regretting not listening to daddy...he wanted me to go to trinity college dublin...but i was too stubborn to listen to him at that time...i thought that glasgow dental school had a really good reputation and it would be good for my cv next time...coz as you know for medicine it is really well known back home...as most doctors back home have a cert from either glasgow or edinburgh...okay i think it's enough of my rattling on this dental school thing...i will find a way out of it...had cell group yesterday night...it was a short one though...as we had to send Sarah darling off to catch her bus to London...i am missing her now...it's my first weekend in glasgow without her by my side...okay, we were playing some games yesterday night...can't remember what it is called...but well it was basically a game for the new comers in the cell group...we all had to pick a paper from the cup...and i am like so "lucky"...i got this question which goes "Are you still single? If no, why? and if yes, tell us more?" haha...it was so funny man...the question was like directly aiming at me...since i am having problems with this relationship thing back home...i told them it's complicated already...and everyone still insisted of knowing...haha...but well people who know me well enough will know why la...like gordon n sarah...well, like what yovita said...i have been this really lucky girl all this while...i have many great guys in my life...but i dont know how i managed to complicate things myself...oh...then later on we had this self reflection thing where everyone got to say the strengths of each person in the cell group...when it comes to me...i was kind of nervous man...coz i feared of the negative things people would say about me...but i really had loads of lovely comments...like Aaron, our cell group leader was saying he could tell that i was really sincere...i am a bubbly and chirpy person...just another version of Carol...who brings joy to people...i was really touched to hear that...as i really had a sad past...Sze man you will know why la...anyway, i used to be disliked by people in my primary and lower secondary school days...i didnt have much friends during those times...but i am glad that i have been through this tough times of mine...as it really does have shaped me as a person and gives me a stronger character...it has now enabled me to understand people better...and be a better friend to them...basically god has his way of doing things...coz i remembered myself crying in those days wondering why i had no friends at all...i was praying to god and asking him why...now i have got my answer...and i have learnt so much from it...everything is all good for me now...i have got loads of lovely friends...and i feel really blessed...

the all girls gang...haha!!!