i no longer wanna know what is going on anymore...coz the more i ponder in depth...the worst i feel...i shall just let god to show me the way...may be we are not faithed to be together...and if it is true...i will accept it...i don't see the point of forcing things and later seeing it turning sour...i am willing to let you go...just tell me...it is you whom can give me the directions in my life now...maybe i am sensitive...but the truth is we really lack the communication alrite...and i find it so hard to understand you now...

i am feeling lost...lost...lost in bio class again...i don't know what is wrong with me but i am feeling so tired...going to take a nap now...and waking up later to study for my chem test tml...anyway, my dear, i love you...

i was so fuming mad with someone just now...and i couldn't even concentrate in bio class...urgh!!! feel like skining him alive man...felt so much better after going for special chem class...think i have really got to start serious studying now...i am really lousy in all my subjects...i shall better come up with a study plan soon...

" i will fly into your arms till the end of time, i wanna spend a lifetime with you, coz i love you..."

woohoo!...got trigger high in yov's room...we were grooving to nice rNb music...blasting it at maximum volume and screaming our heads off like no ones business...haha...well, i think i got super high and crazy...never got so crazy before...and i think we were making a hell load of noise that we woke daph up...gosh! Yov, i love you man...can't imagine life without you...thanks for making those miserable days of mine so fun...

i am feeling trigger happy now...got a dentistry offer from trinity college dublin...well, now i have gotta work triple hard to meet those offers...woohoo!!!somehow just cant seem to contain my happiness...i am getting trigger high...haha...bleah!

i am so fucking angry now...i am going down in tears...mitch, i hate you!!!! ask you to get simple things done and and you screwed it up...mom's birthday tml and you havent collected the cake...what is going on man...i am here worrying with my work and there i have to worry about things back home...damn!!!!

okay not that i dont wanna show you any love...not that i dont wanna care at all...but i tried to put you on my top priority list and it just makes my day so so bad...you will never know how bad it can get...i can just throw my tantrum in front of anyone just becoz of you...sometimes i think things are better said in person...coz it is from there that one can speak the genuine truth...you never know how much you can affect me...thinking of you in class...in the library...everywhere...that is why sometimes i just feel like getting you off my mind coz i dont know do i mean this much to you...i wanna put in my best effort for you...but sometimes i just feel so distant from you...due to lack of communication...that makes it so hard for me to give you my best...i wished you could be in my place one day...perhaps you will then know how i am feeling here...everyday i just live my day thinking that you will love me...is this an illusion? i dont know...coz i dont hear any words from you...thinking of you makes me smile...it is you whom i mention of everyday...i live my days in illusion...hoping that my dream will come through...

Everytime i see a loving couple, I think of you...wishing that i could be in your arms, holding you, feeling your love and warmth for me...this is how much i miss you...

Gosh! woke up late for school today...missed registration...think i am gonna get into deep shit tml...i thot it was only 8.45am on my watch...so when i got to main hall, there was nobody there and i thot it was so strange...so i looked at my watch again and realised it was ten...well, i am lost in mr hickman's class again...gotta start reading up on my mechanics notes...had some stupid chat with yov...and she was thinking of going for some boobs job...haha...so funny...even ask me what to do about small boobs...so i told her to massage...haha...but i havent tried it myself...so i dont know whether it will work...i think our girly chat is getting more insane these days...talking all sort of crap day and night...and i think our plan to paris is cancelled coz yov cant get a visa...sulk! so i think we will be going to london instead...

you make my heart ache! i wished i could get you off my mind...but i can't...i just can't stop thinking about you...i feel so helpless...why i feel your coldness towards me..not your love...is this how much i mean to you?

You Can Do Anything You Believe You Can

If there's a goal you want to reach, resolve to start doing something about it. Stop procrastinating. Write out what you want to do and how you plan to do it. It's the same as if you were planning a trip: you get a map, make your preparations, and then start travelling the right road.

Do something every day to move the roadblocks that stand in your way. Keep it simple. Trust your instincts. Do one thing at a time. Remember... if you haven't reached your goal and you keep doing the same things you're doing now, you'll keep ending up in similar places to where you are now.

Once you start making progress, you will be magically propelled toward eventual reward. Just keep listening and taking direction from inside you. Every effort you make tells your being that you're serious. Action empowers us toward more action. Be patient; your dreams will not come true overnight. But start now, and go with love and courage and confidence. Don't be afraid. You can do anything you believe you can.

just finished studying bio...had a interesting conversation with one of my good friends...learn lots of things from him...well, i think i have fixed my mind now that i am gonna focus on my studies...and i have gotta leave all my friends aside...it is kind of selfish but this is how most great people achieve their goals...i wish that there is someone that will climb up with me this road to success...but i began to realise that this is not gonna be possible...sometimes climbing up the peak has to be a long and lonely road...coz if i were to wait for everyone...i doubt i can even achieve my goals...too many things have happened and many things are pulling me back...i have gotta get out of my misery now...and shall take this long and lonely road myself...why is this happening? i wanted that someone to climb up the peak with me...but i realise that it is not possible to change people overnight...yes, i wanna help, but changing people need lots of effort and time...well, talking about motivation...there are two types of motivation...forced motivation and self motivation... an example is: people generally have to be forced to study before they will have the discipline to get their work done by themselves...so just like when we are young, our parents will like nag and scold us constantly until this good habit is instilled into us...so that as we get older we can be self motivated to achieve our goals...motivation has got to do with what we want in our lives...when one has no direction in life, it is not possible to go far...coz you are just walking aimlessly down a road without knowing what you want to achieve...also, we have got to learn to choose the type of friends we want to mix with...we have got to mix with more successful people...people with substance... so as to get the right influence in our lives...i am not trying to say that i despise people who are lousy...but mixing with the wrong group of people will bring one down...just like having friends around you who love party and fun...i mean it is human nature to get tempted to join in the fun...aren't i right? even how discipline one can be...we will still tend to fall into the trap...what i have realised is that...if one wants to be successful, one will need to have what it takes...just like if one wants to study medicine, you have got to meet up to the qualities of a doctor...if one doesn't have it, then you've got to change it...or else however great your dream is, it will just be a dream only...the world is a selfish place...and it is not going to wait for you to change...it is all up to oneself to how determine you are to achieve your goals!

just woke up...it is twelve noon already...gosh! just got a call from my mom that now i may not be able to fly back on the 5th of April...think i will have to miss a week of school again...and tonnes of work are gonna start piling up for me...wish that now i didn't cancel my earlier flight...well, i wanted to flight back later for some reasons...but i wouldn't be saying here...just fallen petals...i am missing my babies...yov and casy...they are just so sweet to me...i love them to bits...can't wait to spend those lesbianish times with time...wink! anyway, gotta go now...take care.

just finished my maths tuition...argh! there is still tonnes of work that i need to complete before returning back to uk...no time to do any shopping at all...i just need to be really focused right now...two more months to go before everything is over...i have to push on...i read your blog yesterday...your message truly touched me...well, i miss you and you are the one whom i love most too...