just walked pei gee back to her cottage....so cold.....oh well....it is the start of half term and most people seemed to have left campus. now the whole place looks rather quiet and peaceful....quite a number of people have left for london....i wanna go too!!!!!! great shopping and food....anyway, i will be going to belgium tomorrow for a four days holiday....heard that it is a really nice place with lots of good chocolates....yummy!!!....gonna buy loads of them....

finally it is the start of half term....i wanna take this time to really sort myself out....still have many things on my mind which is unsettled....hopefully i can think it through on the long coach ride to belgium....tears rolled down my eyes again....this relationship thing is getting me no where....it is just bothering me day and night....soemtimes i just wished i could be this carefree person....i really regretted my actions....hui yan was right....should have listened to her....i think that my life is really messed up....my friends just think that i am this happy and cheerful person....everyday smiling....but no one actually knows that there is so much unhappiness inside me....honestly, i am totally hurt in that relationship and i wished that i could get over it soon....i am really sorry to have used you as my punching bag....and throw my tantrum at you each time i am upset....thanks for tolerating me....

haha....so happy....someone just commented that i danced well for saturday night's halloween disco....oh well....think my dancing skills have improved....used to feel shy dancing in disco but i think i have changed....think i have got more wild....yeah....

had maths test today....was rather easy....though there were people who found the test hard....think i should be able to get 90% for it.....

i missed my secondary school days....chatted with juanzee and somehow just missed those great times we used to have together in school....i missed those nice girlie talks with huiyan....she is my darling....and i love her to bits....

anyway, just finished bio lessons....i am lost in class again.... need to start reading up on photosynthesis....heard that the next few days there will be terribly bad weather with strong winds and rains....oh well, the british weather is so unpredictable....thurdays afternoon is the start of the half term hols....so excited....going to belgium with my girlie pals...haha

i am in a super good mood today....yeah.... got back my bio test.... rather please with the result....feeling so energetic now.....think jogging really make wonders to my body....helps me to stay more focus and awake....i have got back my momentum to study....so gonna start mugging really hard now....

last saturday halloween nite's celebration was great....disco was really fun....had a nice time dancing with hugo.... haha....and the lesbianish dance with karen....it was great....

i am feeling so tired again....but there are still loads of stuff to study for chem test tml.... and i can't comprehen it totally.... help!!!! hoping i would't disappoint dr braybrook again....

sometimes i just wonder how long i got to tolerate this nonsense....

the weather in uk now is freezing cold...have been raining the whole day...the wind is so strong...sob...i can't jog again. read through my nitrogen compound notes....still got loads more to read up on chem.... urgh!

skipping lunch again...gonna have some delicious cereals in my room...yup...feeling a lot better today...can't wait for half term to start...will be going belgium...gotta study some chem now...tata

i am terribly upset...trying hard to control my tears...i feel so broken inside...i had given myself chance to love you but each time the conditions seem to be working against us...i am truly sorry my dear.

"no matter who else you or i can find, we may go our separate ways, i can tell you this from my heart that i can never love another girl the way i loved you. you were my first and the one whom i loved truly, purely and completely. it is so unfortunate we broke and my only wish is that perhaps in my next life i can meet you and have another chance to be a truly loving couple. i cherish everything i had with you very much. and i can honestly swear i will never get over you. if i could get another chance to be with you or give up my goals in medicine, i would want to be with you. that is how much you had mean to me."

didn't managed to jog again....think i am really growing fat....but the weather in uk is like so umpredictable....always having little showers....so it is like impossible for me to jog on the track....

just cooked laksa in the student kitchen with yovita...tasted okay....though should have added more water....but alex say it tasted great.... haha... perhaps i am a good cook yeah.

i have finally thought things through.... i wanna be a faithful girlfriend....i think things can get quite complicated when one try to play and flirt around....oh, someone commented i am pretty... hehe... feeling like i am on the top of the world now... but after all looks is still not the most essential thing in life.... i think your intelligence and character is what that counts. gotta go now... got AS English homework to complete...tata

oh well, i am feeling so sad now...just received a call from dad and he started scolded me on my handphone bills. my happy cheerful mood just changes and now i am feeling terribly upset. on one hand i wanna cut down on my phone bills but on the other hand people are just making things so difficult for me...i need a hug...i wished there is someone there to undestand me better.

had lunch at dragon king. food was good. anyway, i missed the town bus from cinemas at 10.30 pm. thought this time round i would have to spend like another 9 pounds on cab fare back to school again. but guess what, all the taxis were fully booked and that i will only be able to get one at 3am. luckily the bus driver was so nice enough to come and pick me up. it was like so so embarrassing...terribly embarrassing...when i went up the bus everyone was like staring at me...wondering why i was so late...and i was like blushing...had a nice chat with yovita at night...after i snapped out of my childhood persona...began to realise that life is not just a bed of roses. there are so much things happening in the real world that many of us don't really see.

feeling rather happy now...dentistry talk went pretty well...the feedback from my friends was that the talk was good. oh well i put in lots of effort k...glad that i can at least share some of my dentistry knowledge with my medic friends. i love dentistry and i do hope that i can be a reknown dentist in future. anyway, was surprised to know that some people don't really know much about gum diseases and how easy people can be victims of it.

something funny happened during prep time...someone farted...and it was like so loud la...so i can't stop bursting out laughing...and everyone in my prep room followed... haha...

i am happy alone now...sometimes being alone is great...the feeling of freedom is so comfortable...i know i can pull myself through this difficult time.

i am hurt too. as i think of things. i do in a way regret my actions. i was dumbed to not know how to treasure someone who truly loves me. yes. i am regretting and am sorry to have hurt you. truly sorry. you used to be my hero. the one who is there to help me. the one who picked me up each time i fall. but it is because of my attitude towards things that we got to part. it is when people have to leave that you realise that they are important to you. that they are part of you. sometimes i just wonder what is wrong with me.

i was once your precious princess but now time has changed. i missed all those times we had together. i cherished all the dinners we had, all the times we spent laughing and playing together. it was like a lifetime ago. you dedicated yourself and your efforts to me. i always remember you telling me that you do wanna the best for me. you want me to excel and succeed. you want to see me becoming a dentist. you want us to have a good life next time. but these were the past and now i know i got to pull upself up and move on with life.

i am pissed with someone...i am not going to say who...but i do hope that she learns how to think before saying anything the next time.

haha...just finished prep. but still haven't been able to complete the tonnes of maths homework that mr marsh gave. think i am gonna have another late night again. had a talk on drugs in school today. the speaker was really pretty...learnt something... taking drugs is not the solution to solving depression. it may take away the temporary pain... but the problem is still not solved... i totally agree with her point. haven't finished researching for my dentistry talk this friday... got some really gory pictures online of smashed faces from car accidents... perhaps shall give a talk on trama care or aesthetic dentistry which dr braybrook agrees that it would be interesting. okok...homework time...tata

got back my chem test today... did badly in it... i think i really gotta start studying seriously... english paper was rather fine... quite happy with the results...but think it could be better...just need to put in a bit more effort... had a really tiring day in school...couldn't really pay attention in class...think i have been having too many late nights...skipped dinner again...coz i think the food in the dining hall is so boring...so have been snacking in my room with those chocolates and cereals...need to work on bio now...tata

had a great day today. my tests went well. went down to town this afternoon to celebrate Hanna's birthday. went to pizza express to celebrate her birthday. food was good there. the pizza was really delicious. left the place at 4pm. needed to stock up some food from marks and spencer, so alice and i left the restaurant right after we foot the bill. headed to the japanese shop first to buy alice instant noodles then passed by the surf shop and i saw a really pretty jacket. alice said it was nice so i bought it. spent like forty pounds on it. argh! think dad is gonna kill me. had a really nice chat with alice. i finally got to know the name of the pretty boy. hehe!

headed to the pub at night. met up with ian, john peate, jan, mich, michael, and san may. had a nice time in there. drank two bottles of voka and think i am getting tipsy now. cant really type properly. i am "john's girlfriend"...fast yeah...haha...becoz of some club we formed ( The against crack ass club) haha... so funny... was laughing my head off... he is definitely one nice guy...haha... anyway, jan is rather good looking yeah... he's from germany...well... think i gotta go... really geting tipsy man... nitez...

i am seriously geting sick and tired of things now... i am beginning to see things... everything seem to be falling in place... i am hurt... truly hurt... i am not gonna say what... perhaps... time will heal...

things have been affecting me... and i haven't been able to focus... perhaps i should just leave things aside... i am sad now... hurt and broken... but i got to pull myself together... i got bigger dreams to achieve... and these shall just fade away.

oh my god, i got to give a dentistry talk next friday...argh! i am like not prepared to do it... why me? feel like killing dr braybrook now... i should't have put up my hand to ask him that question... now i will have an extra assignment to do over the weekend...
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why do you need to take viagra fast? becoz if you don't take it fast, you will get stiff neck... haha... and that was dr braybrook's joke...
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there are still lots of unsettled stuff on my mind... i need a listening ear...

i am soooo stressed....

i am seriously stressed...sometimes i just wonder am i in the right place...i just wonder whether i should be in concord...everyone is so smart here...i seriously do need a break...i just wanna breathe...sitting down at my little place with the cool breeze blowing on my face...sitting next to my loved one...holding me tight...and giving the warmth...i wish...i wish he is near me...but the distance is just too far to reach.
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i am terribly lost in chem...could't really understand what dr braybrook was teaching in class...i think i got to get myself into study mode...urgh! Had a talk on alcohol after school...the speaker was good...anyway, got to go now. It's dinner time!

i am still unsure of which university to choose...anyway, went to town this afternoon. It was a rather tiring day though. Had so many things to buy. bought a three tier drawer, bathroom stool, my favourite juice from marks and spencer, chocolates and more food... haha...i am beginning to feel like a pig. Had dinner at the Royal Siam Thai Restaurant...spent like seventy plus pounds...but the food there was really good. This is what i call fine dining yeah...i think if daddy were to know about the way i spent my money he will be seriously mad with me... he will be going, "how can you just spend seventy pounds in one day"
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i miss you so much, you mean the world to me

oh god... saw this really cute guy in school... haha... he has got such a beautiful fair porcelain complexion... something every girl would die for... nice lovely almond shaped eyes... wow!

oh my gosh..i'm feeling rather depressed...just so many things to deal with..
i think i need a hug.

it's too late to talk to you
and it's too soon to say goodbye
listen wherever you may be
you still live inside my mind
something tells me that u are free again
in a place that feels like home
it's never easy to understand
why memories hold our hanD
when people let go...