haven't blog for a long time....yeah....have been busy looking for interview clothes....had a rather happy day today....managed to pay attention in all my lessons....i am like so lucky....managed to pass my bio test....thot i am really gonna flunk it this time....could have done better if i had memorise all the definitions in genetics....christmas exams are starting next week....need to have some serious studying going on from now on....oh....i have been missing morning registration for 2 consecutive days....think i am gonna get scolded soon....too many late nites....but i just need to cramp all my revision into this mere one week....dead!

haven't blog for days...have been busy...spent my weekends in birmingham...stayed over at cousin's place...i love her room...feels so comfortable...can't wait to move out of this tiny boarding room of mine....got back my maths test...got really good marks in it...though i thot i had screwed it up...well, havent got my full interview suit...think i would have to go down to birmingham again...gotta go...tonnes of work to catch up...nites.

my days are getting longer...work load is building up...and i am just feeling the stress now...i am just wondering why i am just faced with so many obstacles...each time one is overcomed another just seemed to come my way again...how long can i go through this torment...i just feel so weak...but i know somehow i still need to face these challenges ahead of me...i hate myself...i just wonder why i can't even take a single bit of noise...well, i think i am really gonna isolate myself from all my friends...sometimes i just feel so much happier being alone...i like the space and time i have to myself...i thot i could be much happier after moving...but i am not...

i am starting to question myself how true my friends are...why is there always someone who will let me down...even my own good friend...each time you needed help...i was there for you...never once did i rejected you...but when i was faced with a problem like today...you just said you wanted to get back to school early...and who was the one who asked me to actually pick her up from the train station...what can i say about you now...i am just wondering how much this friendship actually means to you...now i have come to my own conclusion...i have learnt to be mean...not that i really wanna do this...but as you yourself know this is not the first time...few days ago when you borrowed the past papers from me...what happened to them...you returned me half of them and you thought i was dumb right...well...i counted my stuff...please...so dont tried lying to me...in the end i found out right...but what did i say...i am really speechless...

i wished we could be friends again...i missed the times we used to chat and laugh together...i just wished i could reverse time and take back what i had said...now the coldness just exist between us...i ponder on what i had said to you...i truly regret it...does this friendship we used to have means nothing to you at all...

got some hugs from my friends...yeah...feeling so much better...sunny thanks for hugging me and giving me the warmth...i love you...miss the lebianish times we had in belgium...so fun...managed to do some maths during prep...starting to feel intellligent again...there is this charge in energy inside me...gonna work really hard from this term onwards...had a time table plan out...i will prove some people wrong...anyway, if i had been doing badly, i would have been long ago kicked out of concord already...so you can imagine what type of students are in here ya...

i was so touched when someone was finally able to understand how i feel...yes...i need to be loved and hugged.

hugo : happy birthday! love you.

how does it feels when your own sis just called and scold you, asking you what kind of sickness you have after telling her that you are home sick. why is my own sis so mean to me? it hurts terribly to hear something like this from your own loved one. mich,i really hate you for this...ask yourself if someone were to say to you those words that you had said to me...how are you gonna feel? i know you are jealous that dad send me abroad to study but soon it will be your turn too...i dont see the point of you getting jealous...why not pray that dad's business will do well...tears just rolled down my cheeks...you really hurt me deep inside...one day when it is your turn to go abroad to study perhaps you will then understand how i feel now...if i don't care about you why will i even bother to go all the way to a far away town looking for a nice birthday card for you. i know you have even been complaining to mom that i am not doing well in my studies right...honestly, i am doing fine. just that i am not very please with the marks i get... as you know i expect alot out of myself...i want to get full marks for everything. i am beginning to realise that no one cares for me. i need the love and care from my own family in order to do well and excel academically. the constant encouragement that you get from your family is something that helps one succeed...that is to become a great doctor...

had a BAD day! too disappointed with my english and chem tests. i have finally woken up from my dreams...got back my chem test today...and did really terribly in it...was so upset...dr braybrooks was like saying to me that my test is worrying...think i have fooled around enough...came up with a resolution...i am going to start working extra hard from now and ace my christmas exams...seriously worried man...coz if i still continue to under perform...it will be hard for me to secure my place in dental school...argh!

anyway, i really cant stand people talking at the back of me...if you wanna know me just come up to me...and not act like a fool can...it just pisses me off ya...i am not that cold of a person to talk to you know...

watched bridget jones today...the show was great...love the lesbian kisses...haha...it is so cool...anyway, think i had a really relaxing day today...tests went rather well...oh...saw this lovely shirt from fcuk...i wanna buy...have many wishes...wanna get a LV handbag...pink burberry wallet...well...hope to get it went i get back to singapore...think i am getting more and more materialistic now...getting very self obsessed too...haha...loves taking those toliet pictures with my good gal pal...

i am really tired...well didnt have sufficient hours of sleep...becoz of someone...i am sorry if i have been really unkind but i just needed to study for my tests...i have tried to listened to you...but each time it seems that we end up quarrelling...i have another 2 tests tomorrow and i can't even study for them now...just too tired...i wished things would be better between us...but it really seems kinda hard...

i am so happy... i have got an interview from one of the universities i have applied for...

having chem and bio test tomorrow...gonna mug really hard tonight...need to do well in it...or dad is gonna be really disappointed with me...

i am so happy now....finally got to change my room.....feel so comfortable in my new room.... so much more spacious....at least i can now have a peace of mind in my studies and not worry over the bugs in my room....but the moving of my loads of stuff was really one load of a hell....but thanks to yu jin, en siang and arron help....i managed to shift all my stuff in like half an hour....haha

just came back from belgium...feeling super tired now...well...bought some nice clothes...really pretty stuff...can't wait to wear them when i get back to singapore...tasted some nice belgium chocolates but didnt buy much though...had a really nice dinner on my last day in belgium...a romantic candle light dinner with my good gal pal...love those nice old classic architectures in belgium...i wanna have my house to be like those next time...anway, someone commented that i have got nice complexion...haha...school starts tomorrow...sigh!

still upset...too many things are still on my mind...