Why are these tears coming at night…I am just crying in my lonely heart…do love really exist…I just hate myself…why can’t I just make simple decisions…perhaps you are right…if I can’t learnt how to make simple decisions like this now…what makes me think that god is gonna bless me with greater things which he knows that I won’t be able to handle…the room thing is bothering me again…I want to be away from everyone…I just want to be alone…don’t ask me why…but I just think I had enough of having to tolerate people…just trying to complete my English prep when the thought of what you said this morning just makes me cry…honestly, if I could make decisions I would have long ago chose to go where I really wanna go…I would have chose to be with the one that I truly love…where I do see a ray of hope flickering in the sky…I promise I shall not bother about anything that have got to do with the heart again…I am just too weak and tired…I just wanna surrender all my problems to god and let him show me the way…he is always my most faithful friend…

The darkest and saddest days of my life is when I think of you…knowing that you won’t be here for me…when I seem to just have lost hope on everything…tears are just welling up in my eyes…I will just harden my heart and not let emotions to run through me…never will I let my heart to be deceived by the mystique of love again.

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore you
Hope of a life spent with you

Here i am to worship
Here i am to bow down
Here i am to say that you're my god
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

i just wonder do you know how i feel...the truth is not what you see...sometimes i just have to hide my emotions as i don't want to give the wrong impression to people...but deep inside me i am so fragile and weak...i wished you could be here to hear me...you may think that no one cares for you...but have you ever try looking beyond what you see? honestly, no mattter how busy life can be...you will still have to find time for your love ones...

i think my day really suck...got scolded by mr marsh for not handling up my work...worst still, stupid alex pang went to to tell dr braybrook's that i wasn't sick. so pissed off...as though he knows me well enough...indeed i was sick...felt feverish...well, sometimes i just wished people could mind their own business...

i am trying hard to read up on my bio...somehow i just don't seem to be able to focus...tears are like welling up in my eyes again...why is there no one who is able to understand me...why do i just have to cry in my lonely heart...too many things are on my mind...i am at sixes and sevens with love...just reflecting on what had happened through the past years...perhaps now i am just too weak to stand up anymore...why is this happening to me...maybe i should turn crooked...

i have just finished lessons...got back my chem test paper today...really pleased with my marks...coz i have missed nearly one week plus of school and have still managed to catch up...dr braybrooks was like saying my marks were above average...i am lost in maths class...think i gotta start paying more attention...tonnes of work are piling up...from maths prep, bio to english essay...it is only the start of the week...urgh! can't the teachers just give us a break...there is this guy who just came in the library...well, he is this irritating person who sat infront of me during church service yesterday...kept on turning and looking at the back...felt like digging out his eyes man...haha...hugo just came infront of me and commented on my pretty necklace...it was a gift from someone speacial...anway, think i shall better go back to my room and get some rest now ...bye.

i am now at the town centre library...waiting for my cab to get me back to school...went to church this morning...service was okay...though there wasn't any good sermons i think...oh, there is a newly open subway opposite the baptist church...so happy...at least now every sunday i could indulge myself into a hearty meal of sandwiches...but it is not that cheap though...a meal cost about £4 here...made a shopping trip down to birmingham yesterday...there are big sales going on...bought a karen millen top...it is red in colour...perhaps i should wear it for the chinese new year dinner...oh, something stupid happened to me yesterday after lunch while i was going out of the chinese restaurant...a reporter came towards me with a mic and asked me whether i think chinese women are uglier then the brits. well, guess what i did...i just went laughing at the camera...was lost for words for a while...but obviously, i disagree with her...i think chinese women are unique in their own ways. we have our own unique features that cannot be compared with the brits. just look at zhang ziyi...isn't she pretty...she has this beautiful oriental look...gotta go...library is closing now...tata

i have just arrived back in school...went down to birmingham today with denise and friends...there are big sales going on in the bull ring...saw many nice tops but most of them have run out of small sizes...bought a red top from karen millen...think i shall wear it for the chinese new year dinner...i am still considering whether i should buy this really pretty dress which i saw today...maybe i should ask mommy first coz it is really ex...heard about the freaky ghost thing in my boarding house...heard that the face of the ghost was red...i am so damn scare now. worst still, this just happened a week ago only...still thinking whether i shoud move out...can someone advise me...mrs chin has told me to stay on...but is this the best choice for me...well, i honestly dont know...tomorrow i will have to start reading up on gene technology....i have been really lost during bio class...need to buck up man...perhaps i should come up with a study plan soon...

i am so tired...just finished prep and i am almost half dead...couldn't really concentrate during prep as something is still on my mind...i just wished that god would show me the way to what i should do...received a message from someone...thanks for your message. your message made my day...just shifted the furnitures in my room this afternoon...now my room looks so much more spacious...well, i think i am too tired to blog anymore...tata

i have just arrived back in concord...the smell of loneliness lurks inside my heart again as i was drived through the long, narrow road back to school...i see my room...the same cosy room...and i have decided that i am going to have a fresh new start this time round...i want everything to be good this year...i am going to put the unhappy past behind and start afresh again...had a tremendously long flight journey, well i just wished i had treasured things more...i regreted not telling you face to face that i love you...we will not see each other for 2 whole months again...sometimes i do wished that you could be in the same place as me...so that we could share our ups and downs together...i feel the same emptiness in your heart...well, i just hoped to see you soon. sorry for my coldness towards you...sometimes i just dont know how to express my love for you...but deep down in my heart you do mean alot to me...

just finished packing my luggage...think my bags are again over loaded...got scolded by dad as he thinks i brought back lots of rubbish...and he was saying that he could bet with me that the tonnes of book i brought back home was untouched at all...haha...it is true...thought i would be using my christmas hols to catch up on work...end up it seems to be a holiday catching up with friends...need to wake up early tml to do some last minute shopping...i have got a long lists of things to buy...hoping to get it done by noon so that i could have the evening off spending with friends...went out for lunch with mom today...the food at patara today was okay only...it used to be always good...shopped around at tangs after my paper...i think i need a pair of jeans...need to bring mommy down with me to get it tml...had some lovely green tea ice-creams today...yummy! i can't leave without it...haha...but think i am going fat with the constant snacking...and soon i will need to start working off those fats...oh well, but no matter what, eating good food is something i find pleasurable in...anyway, i feeling tired now...tata

i will be going back to uk this friday...well, there are still so many things that i wanna do...but there is so little time left...i need to spend some time with myself...hopefully i could leave the past at the back of me and move on with life...i am just too tired to think about things now...tata