all these years...sadness have been bottling inside me...i tried to share my unhappiness...but i realised simply no one can understand me...even my parents think i am crazy...who can i go to now...people just think i am too obsessed with myself...will there ever be a day that someone can tell me he knows what i am going through and will give me the support...putting on a strong image is what i always do...but how long more can i pull myself together...i wished i could leave this world...

i am fuming mad...you made it girl...you won this game...but trust me i am not gonna be that nice at all...i had enough...try harder to complain to everyone about the friendster pics... and i will make sure i'll put more of them up...can't imagine over some childish thing you can even go to approach my friend for help...and trying hard to make him to convince me to delete it...bravo! whatever it is...i have no time to waste quarelling with you for now...just please get out of my sight!!!!!

had a heated argument with someone yesterday over some childish photo incident...my god... can't even believe you will just shout at me over some minor little thing...dont our friendship means more then this...all these while i have always tried to be a good friend to you...always standing by you...trying my best to give what i can give to you...but just over some friendster pic everything is over...why did you even have to use my weakness to target me...no one is perfect...it is not possible to please everyone...and i can't believe you will just judge me just becoz of my one mistake...is that fair? you have got to see things from my point of view get it! you can't expect me to read your mind when you don't even explain yourself clearly...sigh!

woke up at 8am this morning to see the school doc...coz of my stupid skin condition that havent healed for 2 weeks plus...and the doc says that it could be some viral infection which will take months to heal...oh goodness...i hate those red patches...okay...i feel so much better now when there is someone there to understand me and hear me out during this stressful time of mine...my dear, thanks for tolerating me for all my tantrums and being so patient with me...i love you!

i miss him...i miss him...i miss him...though he is just only out for a little while...

again i was up till like 4.30am this morning...i was trying to brush up on my weaker areas in mechanics...still have 2 more exercises to go...so i doubt i will be going town this afternoon...think i will be staying in my room to practise those quetions...i miss the food in la laterna...must go there for lunch on saturday with my darling...just thought of some post exam activities after my a levels...i think i will be heading down to aussie to accompany my sis...then perhaps i will visit hong kong...coz there is good shopping there...and i think i will enrol myself for some english classes to prepare for the IELTS exam...and maybe go for some yoga classes too...gonna keep my summer hols as busy as possible...so that i wont have time to think of stuff...

my many late nights is wearing me out...think i better turn in early tonight...still lots of work needed...but now i can see some progress in myself...oh well, i will be going for a jog later to make up for the constant snacking at night...or else i wouldnt be able to get into my gown for graduation dinner...bleah! this is the last week for me in school before the start of my study leave...well, there are some regrets in me...i wished i could turn back time and have treasured those days in concord more...i need to do some self-reflection on myself after my a levels...i must learn to have better EQ...something is bothering me...i realise that things were not like before...it is just coldness between us...but yeah...i really don't know...i doubt i should think about it anymore...

did quite a lot of studying the whole of yesterday...was up till like 3am...and now i am feeling so tired in the day...my neck is aching...i need to catch up on my sleep now...going to take a afternoon nap and start studying again...i am so stressed...but i know i have got to persevere...can't even focused in class... i was thinking how to finish my revision before my exam starts...i seriously don't wanna panick before my papers...i wanna be well prepared for my exams...i need to get straight 'A's...was talking to daddy yesterday...and he expects me to do VERY WELL...so yes...i have started to paste motivation posters all over my room reminding myself to study...even on my mirror...this is a very crucial time for me...2 more months to go before everything is over...i wanna do extremely well so that i won't have any regrets in future...

i dont know how long can i go on tolerating him...he just can't keep his anger well...every single day we will be quarrelling...i seriously do wish that he can understand me better...perhaps he isn't the right guy for me...how long more can i bear with him...i serously dont know...your sorries doesnt mean anything to me anymore...

suddenly...i just seem to miss the past so badly...i was huming the song 'hui zhi cheng chi pang de nu hai...and all the memories starts to flash back...

i am not feeling any cheerful today...though i am trying hard to put up a nice front to people...there is just this sudden sadness inside me...so many regrets...i wished i could turn back time now...i wished i had used my time more wisely on my studies so that i wouldn't have to work like mad now...i feel so stressed!!!tonnes of past years papers to do...how can i complete them...having late nights now...just to finish my revision...i need to get straight 'A's...my bio is still like shit...chem is going fine...as usual...coz i love chem like crazy...but there are still some concepts in chem that i have to clarify...mechanics test tml...i am getting so tired of work now...help!!!!

Gosh! something is really beginning to make me freak out...everywhere i go in shrewsbury, people seems to know...now i feel as if i am being spied everywhere...oh...cant people just stop doing such lame stuff and give me some privacy...it is so amazing how you guys get to know it man...

As i give it a deeper thought, i finally seem to understand what you have been trying to tell me all this while...i wished i hadnt said those words to you...now i simply dont have the courage to face you again...now the bits and pieces of the story have come together...i begin to feel like a fool...

well this is life...always having ups and downs in it...i am sorry to have caused any misunderstanding...but i just can't stand people hitting me...i am spoilt...but i never like people to lay a finger on me...even if you think you were trying to care for me...that is not the right way...but still i am gonna forgive you...

i am glad to be able to walk with you part of the journey in your life...but this is how much i can do for you at this time...i am too far to be there for you...and the worst thing is you can't even open up yourself for people to help you...for now, i will be leaving things aside and focusing on my studies...i have worried too much for you...and i really don't know how to help you anymore...

i had enough of you!!!! i wonder why i had love you in the first place...everyday i just feel mentally abuse by you...i don't wish to see you anymore...i wanna cry...my heart is broken...i promised that i wouldn't let my feelings to rule over me again...