didn't really have a happy time this christmas...something is on my mind since this morning...and i am feeling very terrible now...went down to orchard to do some shopping this afternoon. later met up with aunt for dinner at the thai restaurant in taka. felt really uncomfortable today...seem to be getting weird stares from people...oh my, sometimes i just feel like digging out their eyes. bought a lovely top from tommy hilfiger. i think i am getting more and more materialistic each day. waiting for mommy to come back from the paris trip with my lv bags...so sad, spending christmas night on my own. perhaps i should use this time to sort all my thoughts out...and work out a study plan too...i have did something really sinful. how can i forgive myself...

well, sometimes i really wonder how much do you love me...each time i tell myself to forgive you...but history still repeats itself...i feel hurt...pain...my arms really hurt...you could say you love me...but sometimes i really find it hard to believe it...am i going to keep on suffering in your arms...i try to forget about the pain, think of the speacial someone who could alleviate my pain, still i find it really hard. tears just welled in my eyes.

i am finally back in singapore...so happy...finally gotten a place in uni to study dentistry...well, went to zouk yesterday...had a great time there...really enjoyed dancing with hui yan...haha...got approached by a group of guys at phuture...they were like could we join you to dance...we wanted to run away la...but so many of them...and stupid hui yan went to betray me by giving my handphone number to them...was really pissed with her...but have cool down already...think i am addicted to clubbing...but will only start chonging only after my a levels...

i am terribly upset today...sometimes i just wonder do people really care...when i was totally down...totally lost...no one was there to help me...i was left to fight the battle my own...even the person who claim that he loves me...now i just rather be alone...my whole world is collapsing...clarence i am really pissed off with you...dont bother to message me... i am not going to reply anymore...i broke down so many times today...but the only people who was there to listen and help me was nurse, angie, yov, sue lynn and mr white...well, i am totally speechless...

i am truly upset...sometimes i just wished that i could know the truth...i feel hurt...i just wonder do you actually mean those words...do you really love me...i dont wanna be lied to anymore...i dont wanna live in my world of illusion...thinking that you love me...it could be painful to know the truth...but at least i can move on with my life...i dont wanna put so much effort into something and later knowing that i am just wasting my efforts...you know i hate people playing with my feelings...i hope i'll get an answer soon