i am so stress out

slept very late yesterday. went to daphs room to ask her for help with my english assignment. in the end, we ended up chatting and eating instant noodles. her pad thai noodles was really nice. haha... it was really fun. i think i get really hyper late in the night. oh... i nearly took daphs contact lens solution to wash her bowl... haha... i was rather blur ya.
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i am upset. everything don't seems right in my life. i need the love that i once had before. i am just so stress out with my personal statement that i just broke down in tears.

monday...

got back my bio test today. did really badly in it. i need to buck up and start focusing. but there are still so much things going through my head still. i really can't focus. i hate getting into relationships now. i wanna be loved but sometimes things get really complicated and i just wanna be alone. sometimes i really wonder what goodness do people see in me that make them like me. i am just one ordinary girl.
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I wished i hadn't taken so much from you. Now i am suffering. I wanna cry. And i need a listening ear. But i just find it hard to open up.

saturday

had bio and chem test in the morning. think i am gonna flunk them coz i am affected by something. i can't focus. fell asleep yesterday night while studying. went down to town in the afternoon. manage to get myself a fix line and a new sumsung P510 phone. love my new phone. it looks so pretty. had thai food for dinner with anita and ling lan. the food was really good. it is the best thai restaurant in town i think. good ambience too.

thursday.....

i need a break.... haven't finished doing my bio field trip homework yet.... argh.... Help!!!! think i got to get my ass down and start with it soon. need to hand up tml. got 2 test coming up this saturday and havent started studying yet. God man.... how am i going to get all these work done....

tuesday

i managed to drop physic today. at least now i have more free time to catch up with my biology. i am still confused with which university to apply to. this ucas thingy is really driving me nuts. this is only the second week of school and i am feeling so drained and tired. nearly fell asleep in english class today. think i got to turn in early tonight.
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i am still confused with my feelings. tell me do you really love me?

monday.......

i am feeling so upset... there is this terrible feeling inside me... wish that god could show me the way... so lost... i wanna cry... i can't even focus in class today. there are too many things on my mind. and i really need time to think things through. but everyday just seemed so busy for me.
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Don't you know you are hurting me. I am crying inside. Crying in pain. Tears just roll down my cheeks. Why can't you be stronger for me.
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i just wished i am not me. people think i am lucky. blessed with a pretty face. but no one knows deep inside me is just a miserable feeling.

sunday.....

managed to wake up early this morning despite yesterday late night disco. i got to drag myself out of bed to go church. church service was okay today. though there were some parts of the service where i was lost. went to town right after church service. bought a mini fridge and a book case. spent like sixty pounds today. think dad is gonna kill me if he finds out how i spent my money.
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sometimes i just feel so lost...... i just wonder why do you have to love me so much..... why do you have to let yourself be so attached to me.......
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you know i love you so much... there is no need to harm yourself my dear... i will be there to help you...

alton towers

went to alton towers today.... there were many adventurous rides there. went on the oblivion ride. i was so afraid to take it at first as it was a roller coaster ride with a vertical plunge.

just lost....

this is just the second day of school and i am just so tired. still cant make up my mind whether to drop physics. i had a nice day at school though. got to know a few new students from singapore. they are really nice people. bio lesson today was boring. nearly fell asleep. havent done my bio holiday homework yet. dont feel like doing it but i doubt i have the choice. i was so lost during physics lesson. think i got to start working harder and not dream in class. i gotta go and rest now . terribly tired. ciao.
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just finished prep. didnt do much work though. tried to studied physics. but still couldnt fully understand simple harmonic motion. such simple stuff and i still cant figure it out. think i got to put in more effort. i am so stressed!!!!! my teachers are giving me so much homework for the weekend. i need a break..... argh!!!! i will be going to Alton Towers tomorrow. so excited about it. i think it is gonna be really fun with all the scary rides.
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why are people so superficial..... why do people judge one another base on their looks.....

terribly tire!!!!

i am still confused whether to change my room. i love my room. it is so cosy but small. feel like changing but fear that i might regret. why cant i be better in making decisions. had a really happy afternoon as mr lawrence allows me to change my chem class to dr braybrook's class. so happy to hear the news from him while i was at the dinning hall having my lunch. went to mr white's house to get my boxes of junk. i am so overwhelmed with the number of boxes i have. how to get all those stuff in my room. HELP!!!! still feeling rather tire. perhaps i am still suffering from jet lag. school is starting tomorrow and i have not finish packing my room. i think i gotta go now. feeling so tire.