Praise God! I just thought i wanna share something with everyone. I was caught by surprise when i saw the latest email from Teddy that his parents are finally changing their minds and allowing him to go to Australia for his studies. In my mind, i know this is one of the most important decisions in his life which will determine the rest of his future career path. Initially, i was very worried for him. Wondering to myself how i could persuade his mom so that she would give him a chance to go abroad to get his double degree in law and maybe politics. I was lost with what to do and decided to just trust this whole matter in God's hands. And indeed God has been faithful. He answered my prayers!!!

I was caught by surprise when i got a text from someone. Shhh!!! It's making me happy. I am so excited and i don't know what to wear for Friday...It's gonna be sweet sweet sweet. I hope everything turns out well!!!

I am feeling so lousy tonight. So alone. So demoralised. I feel so unwanted. So worthless. And what my sis said about me a few moments ago is hurting me like crazy. I am in so much pain. And i don't know what to do. Ever since the breakup, plus what happened tonight, is really breaking me into pieces. I don't feel that i have any use on this earth anymore. I am just nothing. Am i really good for nothing. At this late hour, i just wish that there was someone to comfort me. To encourage me. But at the same time, i am fearful to share with anyone what's hurting me. I have lost all my courage. I wanna run away from everyone and close myself up. Why does my sis thinks by keeping silent is gonna make me feel better????? Right now i just wish she would speak back to me. I am crying and feeling so much pain tonight. Will i ever be able to sleep...

I read your blog entry today. And i am like you. Feeling jaded from what has happened.

Just want to say thank you once again for being there for me during this Christmas hols. I am missing every moment of it right now. Those late nights driving around Singapore in your Mercs and Toyota, hanging out with your friends, the chat at PS Cafe, the dinner and lunch with your family, those sleep overs, k-boxing, Fabulous Sunday, Mambo Night and Arena, late night supper at the prata place, Sentosa and Mount Faber, Pebble Place, Our cycling road trip on new year's eve and not forgetting all those things you said to me with what i am going through right now.

I am learning to be stronger with each brand new day. To learn to let go and not think about him. It's tough and there's so many times i feel like breaking down and cry. But i know i have to get myself out of this and move on with life. And not allow it to ruin the bright future ahead of me. I have been constantly thinking and reflecting on what you said. Making an active effort to let go of the past.

I don't known whether you could still remember that four-leaf clover necklace which you got for me last year for my birthday. I have finally taken it out of the box and wearing it now.

Im all out of love.

This song brings back so many memories for me. It's a true classic.

Timbaland - Apologize (feat. One Republic)

This song is so good! It's really reflecting how i am feeling.

I am feeling so down right now. Only found out tonight that my mom didn't know i have broken up with him. She thought it was a quarrel between us only. Sigh. It feels so crap to know that my love ones didn't know what have been going on all these while. It hurts so much to have to repeat the whole story again. The truth is i am not prepared to say it all over again as it is too painful to even talk about it. I just don't know how to bring myself to tell my mom that all these while i have dated a jerk. Someone who has never appreciated or loved me. Right now, i can only trust that Teddy will help me speak to my mom and tell her what he had done to me. Someone shared with me that what comes around will go around too. Maybe one day when he suffered my fate, he will then understand the pain i am going through. As for now, i will have to bravely accept this fate and move on with life. There's no point asking why. What he had done just tells me that he isn't worthy of my love afterall. I have to trust that there is something better and happier awaiting for me.

And it's true. I have a bright future. A dentist to be. I shouldn't be fearing that i would be left on the shelf. And once i graduate, the world will be my oyster. All the pleasures and opportunities of life will be open for me. Right now, i should just spend this single time grooming myself well. I want to be a connoisseur of all things fine, wine and fine food, exquisite arts, and of course, all things pretty. Also a person of eloquence and that quirky, slightly dramatic sense of humour.

Home has been good for me. There have been so many parties and activities going on. And i have been up till amost 5am everyday since i was back home. Time flies. And a brand new year has started for me. Went on a cycling road trip with teddy and friends last night. It was a great way of welcoming the new year instead of the usual clubbing and parties. We rented bicycles overnight from East Coast Park and cycled all the way from ECP to Marina Square and back again after watching the fire works. The fire works this year weren't as good as last year. It was a shame! I can still remember watching fire works together with teddy and rayner at the Esplanade one year ago. Oh all those memories. I am feeling nostaligic now. But think i shall just leave all those memories aside for now as i have got a full day ahead of me tomorrow. This holiday has been the busiest and wildest for me. Met up with many different people and made loads of new friends. Went home only at 4am last night. And my butt was hurting so much from the bicycle seat. I was aching all over when i got up this morning. Had to rush out again at 12.30pm to have New Year's lunch with teddy's family. Baby Ethan is so cute!!! Looks like teddy when he was younger. At night, Celebrated my wee bro's birthday at the Thai Sharkfin's Restaurant in Goodwood Park. This is the second time we celebrated his birthday there. It was a peaceful time spent with my family.

I am so gonna miss all my friends when i fly back to UK this Sunday. Oh i wish i could just erased all those horrible Glasgow memories from my mind. Especially the memories of him. I wish i did heed teddy's advice that he would turn out to be a jerk. Coz he was right. And now i am suffering the consequences. I was too naive to think that he was a good man. What he has done to me, just reflects what kind of person he is. This breakup was a painful one but at least it happened now than later on in marriage.

Okay, time for bed now. Just wanna wish everyone A Happy New Year 2008!