i turn out the lights but i cant fall asleep. and then i realise, perhaps, that what i am feeling is loneliness.sometimes i think of the past 21years of my existence and then i feel so small, like as if the world is closing in on me, inch by inch, until i am trapped in a room where i find it difficult to breathe. and then i get upset. upset with the way things are, and i wish as hard as i can that someday, somewhere, things will get better. i cannot oscillate like that, between moments of euphoria and vast oceans of sadness. i have to leave this place behind, somehow, and i wish that i knew where the door is, the one that would take me away to someplace new.and then, for once perhaps, maybe i will be happy afterall.